My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
