your parents love me but you hate me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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