What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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