You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
