I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
