It's Friday. Sex?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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