i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
