Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
