i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
