would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
