We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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