im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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