My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
