3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
