he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
