i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize