she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
