What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
