I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
