Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
