Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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