Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
