did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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