The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
