I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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