Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
