Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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