You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
