I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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