remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
