Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
