Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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