Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
