New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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