Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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