Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
