remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
