The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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