no, he came in my armpit
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
