we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
