I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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