His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
