Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
