My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
