I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
