Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
