So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
