Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
