Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
