the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the condom got lost in my hair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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