I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
