Non-Jews are for practice
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
