Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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