there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
