Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
