bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The air was thick with penises
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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