Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
