in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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