I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
