I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
