Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
