Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
