I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
