wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
