Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
