Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
