your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well you can't waste a boner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
