So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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