Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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